Violence/Caste/Questions

I really haven’t experienced too much violence during my stay in India. For the most part, on a day to day basis, I feel very safe and secure. However, there was one incident that occurred thus far. The following is an excerpt from my journal. Keep in mind that it is from my journal-so it is somewhat scattered and random, but I think it is a good example of what I am experiencing and thinking about during this semester in India:
19, September 2008
7:00 AM
I got up at 5:30 AM today to go for a run. It was still dark out and it felt absolutely amazing to be out running, but while I was running, a man on a motorcycle rode up really fast behind me and hit me on the bad. I was so, so shocked, upset and felt completely violated. I was stunned, and all I could get out at first was "Hey!" Then I yelled "You asshole, FUCK YOU!" as loud as I could. It came out really guttural because I was so shocked and upset.
What causes someone to do that to another human being? Is his day going to be better because he hit me? What went through his mind that made driving fast and hitting someone seem like a reasonable option? It wasn’t like he was just trying to sneak a feel, or steal something from me. It seems like an absolutely pointless act of violence. I have always tried to believe in the good in people, but all I could think about on the rest of my run was that there are demons in the world.
When I got home and read the newspaper while have my chai, there was an article about a girl shot in Delhi by a boy who had been stalking her. He killed her because she didn’t like him. There was also another story about an 18 and 17 year old couple who was killed and burned when they were found by her family because she was of a higher caste than his family and they had been engaging in a "love relationship," which just means they were choosing for themselves who to love and not having it arranged for them. (Arranged marriages are still very common in India and love relationships are often looked down upon and forbidden. I am not placing judgment on this system, because that is not necessarily my place as an outsider, I am just explaining the current situation as I have seen and been taught during my time here.)
Yesterday I was talking to Mommy-ji and Auntie-ji about being wives and housework and cooking, etc. Both of them said that they wished their husbands would cook and do more at home. But when I suggested that they teach their sons how to cook so that someday they can help their wives, they both just laughed and said that they don’t want to bother them and take focus away from their studies. Auntie-ji doesn’t have any daughters, but Mommy-ji does, and while Akshara, our sister doesn’t have much to do, she is being taught how to cook and is the one who is told to serve the guests food, etc). Mommy-ji also said that there have been a lot of struggles and she went back to school to study natural medicine and yoga because she doesn’t want to just be at home. I’m proud of her for studying what she loves and hopefully soon she can start her practice.
I have previously been resistant to calling women here repressed or submissive, because I do think that the work they do is valuable and important and that their community identity (culture, customs, traditions) may be more important to them and their families than individual identity. But, after these conversations, the assault I experienced this morning, and the newspaper articles I just read, I don’t know what to think. I also don’t know what to think about the caste system-which is related to gender relations as well. I feel that school has explained caste in terms of its historical value and not its present day practice. I was under the opinion before coming to India that caste was becoming less important, and that may be in some places, but it is also very much alive. For example, our Papa-ji was explaining how he is Brahman caste, and so on special holidays our Auntie-ji (Auntie-ji is our mother’s best friend) and her family can’t eat at our house because they are a lower caste. However, Brahman can always eat at their house. I understand that I don’t truly understand caste or this system or this culture and it is not my place to pass judgment, especially since I really only have a very superficial and basic level of understanding and interaction, but it just does not seem right. It is challenging and interesting living in a Brahman home. I hadn’t really thought about it before because we really haven’t talked about its implications in our classes, but I am currently reading a book called "Understanding Indian Society: The Non-Brahmanic Perspective" edited by S.M. Dahiwale and finding out how little of the population is actually a high (twice-born) caste and how the majority of the population is lower caste and faces discrimination because of class, caste, gender and/or religion. And what I am thinking and feeling is nothing new-there have been resistance movements and reform movements for hundred of years-Buddhism, Jainism, Vaishnavism, Shivism, Veershaivism, Bhakti, the Self-Respect Movement, Sikhism, etc. So, it isn’t that people are not aware that other options are available. What does this mean for us in this century?
I don’t know an answer, for so many reasons. One, I am an outsider here. Two, I have an idea of what reality should look like, but so did Guatama Buddha and Vardhamana Mahaveera. Three, what comes first rights or identity? culture or justice? community or individual? tradition? religion? liberation? What do these terms even mean to different people and places? Are these universal ideals? Are these ideas universal? Or, are they much more rooted in specific, cultural, historical, social, political worldviews?
I feel for all of the people of the world who have faced discrimination, hatred and harassment. I know that as horrible as I feel right now and in the moment that I was physically assaulted and my personal space and spirit violated by a stranger, this is a very isolated experience in my life. There are so many people, especially women and children, who daily face harassment, rape, violence, injustice, racism, sexism, classism, and abuse not only by strangers, but also by the people and men they share their homes and beds with. I feel so sad, so very sad when I think about how this exists and is some people’s reality day in and day out. How do we stop that force? Why does it even exist? How can anyone really, truly believe that that is right? How long will we allow this to happen? How long will we allow this to be our reality? How long will mean remain silent on this issue? When will men and women stand up together and make it very clear that this is not allowed in our world? And, by this I mean more than just upholding laws and locking people up. I mean daily in our actions and words making it clear that we do not accept or find sexist comments funny, that we do not objectify women’s bodies, that women are not to be talked about as "hot," "pussy," "bitches," or "ass." That women are not to be spoken about in terms of her weight, size of her butt or size of her boobs. That when we say these things or even just hear them being said without speaking up in opposition, we create these realities that are hurtful and violent and are directly perpetuating injustice, discrimination, hatred, harassment and societal rape. Women are saying this-there are movements, and very important work being done, but men must also say this. Men must say it to their peers and their sons. People of all genders must be represented and heard. This may take different forms and different places, but it has to be done. We must each make the personal commitment. I know that I will no longer be silent. Men and women and all people must not accept for themselves or for others abuse and violence-as "little" or as "big" as that may seem or be.
Some things are not universal-like I can not say whether covering a women’s head is oppression or not. But I do know that violating someone’s body or spirit is absolutely and always wrong and unjust. There is never any justification for violence and harassment. Regardless of the culture or religion, rape is never acceptable. Sexual harassment is never acceptable. Physical and verbal harassment is never acceptable. We are not meant to tear down one another. No human being has the right to harm another human being. We are not created for that. Each person is made of the divine and deserves and must demand rights and respect.
Is it possible to respond to violence with non-violence? What is someone’s breaking point? Is it different if it is close/personal verses stranger inflicted?
This experience is a challenge in living and not just speaking one’s beliefs. Am I non-violent only when I don’t have to face violence? Am I compassionate always, even when compassion seems impossible to give? Am I able to truly forgive and not just say that I believe in forgiveness?
I could go from this and be angry and spread more hatred, but that would just create and set into motion even more hatred in the world. So, I am choosing to be full of love and peace. This is not passive or submissive, but assertive and courageous.